As high school seniors enter their final semester, much of the hard work is over.
College applications are in, and many teens are starting to hear from schools. But whether your teen is heading off to college in a faraway state, moving 30 minutes away, or planning to live at home, one thing is certain: Your relationship is about to change.
As much as you want your child to be independent, for now, they’re still in high school and living under your roof. There are rules to follow and grades to be maintained, and navigating these circumstances can be tricky for even the most seasoned parents.
It is also a special and rewarding time. These five tips from college coaches, advisers, and parents of college students will help you make the most of their last semester of high school.
1. Shift Your Focus
For years, you’ve devoted energy to preparing your child to apply to, get into, and even choose a college. Now, that work is largely done. If you haven’t yet, shift your focus to empowering your child to effectively manage their own academics so they finish strong their senior year.
It might seem obvious, but Jason Patel, founder of the college prep company Transizion, recommends that parents help their kids develop an organizational strategy before they leave home. For some, an old-school planner and wall calendar work best, but many teens gravitate to their phones. In that case, recommend a good organizing app, like Trello or Todoist, and offer tips for managing calendar reminders to help them stay on track.
2. Find Your Own Support System
Change can be scary, and it’s easy to fall into the trap of pouring out your fears to your child. But family mediator and parent coach Kerri Wall says parents need to find a support system to help them cope with their own feelings about their child’s future. “Take any panic or anxiety you feel about your teenager to another adult,” she says. “I used a monthly moms support group to air my fears. I needed to unpack them and give them fair attention because I also had lots of feelings about my son’s last year of high school. And I didn’t want them to leak onto him.”
3. Recognize That Your Child Is Scared Too
Leaving home and/or starting school are major transitions for your child. No matter how relaxed they may seem, recognize that they too are carrying around a lot of feelings. Clearly you’re not a mind reader, so you can take active steps to understand what they want and support them in the way they want to be supported. “You can simply ask, ‘What do you need from me?’ or ‘How can I be of help to you right now?’” says Wall.
4. Put Them in Charge of Their Finances—and Be Consistent
By the time your child is a senior, they should know the basics of managing their money. If they don’t already have a checking account, help them open one. Talk to them about credit cards and help them create a budget before they move out.
Susan Price Davis, a mother of four, including a son who is a junior in college and daughter who is a college-bound senior, has found that putting her kids in charge of some of their college expenses helped them take the financial impact of college more seriously. “Our goal was for each of our kids to have a federal loan they were responsible for and for them to use summer earnings for books and spending money,” she says.
While this approach worked well for one of her sons, she notes that a lack of follow-through made it less effective with the other. “We ended up supplementing things more than we intended,” she says. “We should have been more consistent.” If you expect your kids to pay all or some of their expenses, make that clear—and stick to your guns.
5. Have Fun Together
It’s not all work, though. Now that some of the pressure is off, it’s important to find ways to relax and enjoy this time with your child. Wall says some of the best things she did during her own son’s senior year were simple. For example, she stayed up late so she could hang out when her son got home and made big lasagnas and batches of cookies so he would want to bring friends by. “I found my son was more open when his friends were around and we were naturally conversing,” she says. “Sometimes with just me, I think he feels pressure, like I’m interrogating him. But his friends loved the opportunity to share what they were thinking and feeling, and that encouraged him to do the same.”
For you, fun might be scheduling recurring family board game nights, starting a mini book club, binge-watching a series together, teaching your teen how to cook, or even planning some sort of family vacation. No matter what you do, it’s about making time to relax and savor each other’s company.
No matter what’s next for your teen, what’s most important is that they know you’re there for them. Building a relationship that respects their independence will take time, but it’s an important step on the road to adulthood. While they’re still living at home, make plenty of time for fun, listening, and learning how to let go.
